Goodbye
by Lozza the Lolly
Summary: Sam says goodbye to the glee club, but not everyone wants to hear it. Samtana. Disclaimer: I don't own glee.


Goodbye

When he finds out he's leaving, he knows he has to say goodbye to everyone in glee club. He's forced to find them all in his own time because he'll be gone by the beginning of the school year. Packing doesn't take up nearly as much time as it did when they moved here- they barely have anything left.

That'll change when they move, he knows that, but it doesn't make the thought of leaving his friends behind any easier.

He makes sure to say goodbye to everyone. He buys a new pack of gold stars for Rachel, and a 'no smoking' sign for Brittany- "To keep Lord Tubbington in check". He gives Quinn a hug, all hard feelings in the past. He ensures Puck that he'll finally find out how many balls he can fit in his mouth, and tells Artie to make sure he stays out of juvie.

Mercedes is hard. They consider trying a long distance relationship, but conclude that it wouldn't be the same and decide it's best if they break up. They talk for a long time about what could have been, what almost was.

"You know, I think Kurt and Blaine might have known. And maybe Quinn. I got the feeling she was watching us pretty closely at Nationals."

"Maybe. I guess we'll never know."

They smile sadly as they say their final goodbyes.

He says goodbye to Mike and Tina. He returns Kurt and Finn's clothes-"I won't be needing them anymore." He says goodbye to Mr. Schue and even Ms. Pillsbury. He takes his time, because he doesn't know if he'll see any of them again.

He visits Santana last. He's a bundle of nerves as he nears her house, the location of which he remembers from their brief relationship. If you could call it that.

_Why is this so hard? _

He stands on her doorstep for a moment, regaining his composure, then swallows and takes a deep breath before ringing the doorbell.

After a few painfully long seconds, she appears in the doorway. She narrows her eyes when she sees him. "What do you want?"

He's thrown by her tone, cold and hard like ice. Or glass or something. He supposes he should be used to it by now, but it makes this a lot harder. If that's even possible.

He perseveres. "Uh, well, I don't know if you heard, but I'm…I'm moving away."

"So?"

He frowns. "So I wanted to say goodbye."

"Why?"

The question takes Sam off guard like a punch in the gut. It hurts about that much too. "Santana…"

"Look," she snaps, suddenly defensive, "you and I are not friends. There is nothing between us. All we ever had was some stupid fling to help you get over Quinn. So I don't care if you're moving to the freaking _moon_, you're not getting some soppy, emotional goodbye out of me."

He swears he actually flinches. Her words couldn't have hurt more if they'd literally sliced him open. "But I-"

"Can you just leave?"

"Fine," he mutters, not noticing the way her voice cracks, "I'll just…I'll just go."

She slams the door before he's even had a chance to turn around.

...

It's all Santana can do to slam the door before the burning in her throat forces the tears to start welling up. She blinks them back indignantly. She doesn't need this- she has enough going on in her life without having to worry about missing Trouty Mouth.

But she knows she doesn't have a choice.

It's true they never really interacted in a friendly way, but she can't help but feel a certain fondness for him. As much as she hates to admit it, she finds his dorkiness kind of…endearing.

There's just something about him that made her pay attention the first time he walked into glee club, despite her insistence that he had no game. There's something about him that draws her out of her shell. And that scares her so much that she crawls back in, deeper into the shadows of self-doubt that he somehow manages to lure her from. She had let herself be vulnerable around him, so she resolved to treat him with extra bitchiness.

She intends to keep that up, no matter how hard it is to see him go.

...

He's leaving. In three hours, he's really leaving. Looking back on the past couple of weeks, he realises it didn't feel real until now.

But it is real, and there's no hiding from that fact now.

He decides to visit McKinley High one last time before it's time to go. Mr. Kidney lets him in- Sam wonders briefly if the janitor ever goes home. He swears he sees a teapot clutched behind his back and thinks that maybe Brittany was right. Or maybe that's just his mind playing tricks on him because he misses his friends already.

He wanders aimlessly down the corridors, passing his old locker and pausing for a moment, pretending everything's normal. He visits the auditorium, and for a moment he thinks maybe singing will help him feel better, but it seems so empty with not even Brad there that his heart just isn't in it. And of course he visits the choir room.

He sits there, closing his eyes and remembering everything. The songs, the laughter, the ridiculous drama. The people. He thinks he might actually cry as he thinks about all the friends he's made. He doesn't though. He doesn't cry often- he's had to learn to be strong for his family. So he just sits and remembers, remembers who he sat with and the conversations they had. Conversations that seem so much more significant now.

Then he thinks about Santana, and he actually does cry. Her parting words still echo in his head like the shadow of a bad dream. Does she really think so little of him? Does she really think he doesn't care about her? He does, more than she could ever possibly know. Their relationship may have been fake, but he had still been devastated when it had ended. That pain seems so far away and trivial compared to this.

He stands and trudges back down the empty corridor, tears still clouding his eyes. He stops for a minute to wipe them away, and finds himself willing Santana to somehow be there when his vision clears. Maybe then he could say a real goodbye, tell her how he feels. That even though he had been tentatively moving on with Mercedes, he still hasn't completely let go of his feelings for her. Feelings that weren't even supposed to be there in the first place.

She's not there, of course. And he'll never get his goodbye.

...

The bell rings, the first one of the year. Santana rolls her eyes at the chaos that comes with the first day back and opens her locker, grumpily grabbing her books. Going back to school always puts her in a horrible mood.

Ok, maybe there's something else getting her down.

Then it hits her. Sam is gone. _Gone._

She stops halfway through closing her locker, casting her eyes downwards and trying to block out the rush of emotions suddenly consuming her.

Santana realises she's made a huge mistake. She should've said goodbye, should've hugged him and apologised for everything and wished him luck and maybe, just maybe told him of her reluctant feelings for him. But she didn't.

It's too late now.


End file.
